Blogtember Day #14
Friday, September 20: React to this term: comfort.
I’m not very talkative. (A lot of people who know me will probably say that’s an understatement). But you know what? That’s not such a bad thing.
People often consider silence to be a bit rude. If I’m sitting around an acquaintance, a lot of times I’m compelled to indulge in small talk, for the fear that the person may consider it to be impolite otherwise. But what is common courtesy in front of people we barely know shouldn’t be a necessity with people we do know, right? Sure, it’s important to communicate in any relationship. But that doesn’t mean we constantly have to talk.
I see people get uncomfortable around me sometimes. When I’m being “too silent”, they assume I’m upset/angry/unhappy. Then, they consider it to be their duty to fill the silence. Nice sentiments, and thank you for the concern, but really, I’m fine. 🙂
Silence is okay. In fact, I kind of like it.
It’s easy to keep talking to fill the void, but that’s not called communication. Often, it’s just noise. And who says it’s always necessary to talk to communicate?
If I’m really comfortable being around someone, then I like their words as well as their silences. And if two people are comfortable sitting around, not talking, just doing their own thing, then I think, that’s as intimate as it gets. Isn’t that the best relationship? Enjoying each other’s company even when you don’t say anything.
I don’t mean we should stop talking. Small talk often leads to deeper conversations, I’ve observed. We do need beginnings. And endless, mindless chats with friends are indeed treasured memories. But talking just for the sake of it doesn’t make sense to me. There isn’t any need to be afraid of silence. It is supposed to be golden, isn’t it? That phrase wasn’t just meant for teachers to use it in noisy classrooms! It actually holds value.
Silence is not as frightening as you think.
The Writer's Nest 
I used to be so quiet, then I became an adult who is a gap filler! But with people I am very close to – my husband and one girlfriend in particular – we often don’t talk at all. I was out at lunch with my husband the other day and realized I was completely lost in my thoughts for a good 10 or 15 minutes. It didn’t matter. But in the beginning of our relationship any silence would make me nervous or insecure. I do believe that comfort in silence is a wonderful sign of security and intimacy.
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I used to feel so uncomfortable when I didn’t know what to say, and I’d just try to find things to talk about to fill the silence. But a few years ago I realized that the only thing making the silence awkward was my attitude. And so I started accepting silence, and intentionally trying to feel comfortable in it. And it’s not awkward anymore.
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Akshita, I am an extrovert, but I absolutely hate small talk. I can only stand it for about 30 seconds. I think if we are comfortable in our silence, hopefully others will be too.
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Ha! 30 seconds is pretty much my limit too! Maybe you are right. I’ve known people who’ve been completely okay with silence, even though they normally talk a lot. And then there are people who can’t get over how less I talk and keep on telling me to talk more. I don’t know how I should react to their statements.
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I agree with you wholeheartedly on this one! Small talk, gossip, girl talk, monologues, and debates all have their time and place, but sometimes it’s so nice to *just be* without the white noise. I usually feel more awkward trying to think of something appropriate to say than when I’m just “the quiet girl.”
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“Just being” as you aptly call it can be so peaceful!
Thank you for reading! 🙂
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I was so annoyed when my mother in law & myself were travelling from India to US in a long flight. I just cannot talk for the sake of talking. She was just not comfortable with my silence & kept on nagging me about it after the journey. I was so hurt as I’m a person of few words. Later on I was advised from everyone from their family that I should learn to talk more. Why cant some accept a person how they are? how do I deal with this?
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Great article. Something I’m doing my best to learn a lot about lately x
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Thanks! Hope you find the silence precious. 🙂
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In a room full of ppl I won’t say a word. Not really shy but introverted. At home I am the complete opposite. Regardless of the nature of the relationship, I feel most connected when engaged in conversation. I’ve heard it from several people but its recently starting to be an issue in my personal relationship. Im looking up all the info I can attempting to understand and find a happy medium (if such a thing exists).
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You literally described me as a person I was always curious to why I’d feel awkwardness come from others instead of myself bc I truly appreciate moments of silence
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I’m glad you could relate!
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